turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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