it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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