Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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