Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
