We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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