Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
