I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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