Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
