Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
