did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
