I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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