I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
