we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
