just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
