Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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