I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
