We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
