Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
