Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Where is the hickey?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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