You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
