Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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