someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
