apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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