my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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