Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
