i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
