I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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