I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
