Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
