haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
