Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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