I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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