that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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