I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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