At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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