Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
