i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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