What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
