Ketchup is God's man juice
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
