just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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