I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
