dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
