My friends, they love my intelligence
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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