Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
