never play flip cup with pint glasses
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
