i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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