i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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