im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.