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He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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