now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish i was in the wii world.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
