I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed