So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
a search helicopter?!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you