Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
