pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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