Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
