you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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