Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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