I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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