found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
