2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
