Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
