I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
