I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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