Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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