halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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