I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
