What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
