I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize