they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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