At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
