I didn't shave. On purpose
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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