woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Enjoy the penises
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
